Is being lonely bad?

 What's wrong in being lonely?

 "Do not confuse solitude with loneliness. One builds and the other destroys."

 If you live alone you've probably received your fair share of unsolicited, well-intended remarks regarding your situation: "I just can't imagine how you manage to live alone". "Do you ever feel lonely?". Living alone has long been stigmatized in our society because solitude and loneliness are equated. We forget that some people truly prefer -and choose- to live alone since we are social beings. Or occasionally, events in life, like the passing of a loved one, lead to solitary existence. Ironically, however, many of us had to deal with alone time during the pandemic in one way or another. We're all struggling with this sudden loneliness, whether we're quarantining, remaining at home because we're at high risk, or working to stop the spread of COVID-19. Our often busy schedules have made room for extra time at home, which gives us more time to address our relationship with "me, myself and I". It has been uplifting and liberating for some people. Others have found it difficult and isolating.

"Understand that healing and growing can distance you from people who you once had a bond with, and it can also bring you closer to those who will heal and grow with you. The time in between can be difficult, but there is so much to learn in loneliness."

@themoontarot                                       

 

Throughout my life, I've experienced a lot of loneliness. I recall some of these moments as being irritatingly unpleasant; Other times, I have delighted in my solitude. I've even forced myself into solitude at times, which is natural for me as an introvert. I've learned from all of these solo adventures that it's alright to be alone. In fact, solitude offers many opportunities for personal development. We are expected to be social beings in the modern era. With the growth of social media and instant messaging, being connected constantly is simple (and addictive). However, this does not imply that it is healthy. In fact, I've realized, that in a wide environment, solitude can be immensely fulfilling.

Solitude lovers are often questioning themselves how can certain people dislike being alone! It's like you are in a paradise for some and nightmare for others.. Well, here's the reason: 

There is no doubting that for some people, the thought of spending the day alone and disconnected is completely unappealing. Why is that so? A smart way to divert attention is to stay active and to be social. When we're occupied with activities and surrounded by people, we avoid facing ourselves or our emotions. When walking to the shops, are you the type of person who must be on the phone with others? Or perhaps after a few hours without any face-to-face communication, you experience a strong sensation of detachment. Regardless, you are not alone. Due to its unfamiliarity, solitude is feared by many people. We postpone facing ourselves because we are unsure of what may transpire when we are ultimately alone with our thoughts and emotions. But when we avoid being alone, we miss out on all the growth, healing and creative inspiration that solitude can facilitate. So, how de we move away from a place of fear when thinking about loneliness to embracing its possibilities?
 

 Here, in this part, I am not going to talk only about the power of solitude but also about its cons. You might ask, but why? Isn't this an article in which you should show all the pros of being alone?

Well, yes, it should be like that. But not everyone loves being alone. You may follow my advice and then you face bad circumstances, you will come back and curse me in comments. So, in order to prevent that from happening, I am going to talk about the two sides of solitude and the results you may experience in being alone. Then it's up to you whether to choose it or ignore it.

Just like solitude can enhance your intuitions it can make you vulnerable to your inner critics . How so?

When there are distractions all around you, it might be difficult to obey your intuitions. You will find that your intuitions are growing stronger when you're alone with yourself with nothing but your thoughts in the world. You become aware of these gut instincts while you're alone, and you learn to hear and believe them. Being alone gives you the chance to refocus, dig deeper within and see things more personally and intuitively. Your perception of reality and the intuition you possess might be tainted by life and other people. However, stay focused on what I am going to say.. It's not always a good idea to be alone with our thoughts. Why? I have just stated that being alone is the most comfortable thing you can do and you have to plan sometime for yourself! Well.. Let me tell you that isolation might be the ideal environment for self-deprecating ideas to flourish. Everyone has an inner critic, me, you, your partner, your friends, your family member, everyone! A terrible coach who lives in their brain and looks for any chance to be critical to them. When we are left alone with our thoughts, these "inner critical voices" frequently increase in volume. When we are not only alone but also feeling lonely, the "critical inner voices" frequently act in the worst possible ways. When this happens, our inner critic tells us we are flawed and shouldn't be around other people. That's what happened to me days ago, my inner critic voice spoke up and insists on me to stay away from people I know and that was the worst thing happened to me because my beloved people kept on questioning my behavior at that time. But fortunately, a dear person to my heart helped me through this and tried to understand what I am going through and made things clear for me. We are our own worst enemy in this regard and it's the worst phase a person can pass by.

Quick fact! : Being alone allows our brain to recharge; Our brains require balance. While some parts of the brain require social connection to focus properly, alone time is essential for our brains to relax and regenerate. According to Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter, being "on" all the time prevents your brain from getting a chance to rest and refuel. You have the opportunity to focus, clear and heal your mind, and think properly when you are by yourself and have no outside distractions. It's a chance to simultaneously refresh your body and mind. Not for a long time though.. Because it's bad for our health, yes, I know you may feel lost now and want me to reach the final point but you have to know that our physical health suffers when we spend too much time alone. According to studies, social exclusion and loneliness can enhance the risk of dying by as much as 30%. Being socially linked has a large and positive impact on physical well-being. Even if you prefer to spend the majority of your time alone, it is crucial to maintain strong social contacts. Moving further, solitude causes what we call "The Echo Chamber" ; I think that once people have mastered themselves, they must eventually dominate others. Otherwise, they turn into a self-repeating echo chamber. Because they avoid challenge, echo chamber avoid self growth and bread narcissism and arrogance. Apathy and even hostility can easily set in when people are viewed as nothing more than the sum of their common human nature rather than as unique individuals. These feelings are not as much awful as they are perilous. It's challenging to locate tools on how to deal with these strong feelings in a culture that extols great optimism and offers pointless advice like "follow your heart" or "keep your  head up". I'll eventually just give up on trying to find them, which will result in extreme frustration. This isolation offers a jungle for self-discovery, but I've learned that if you look more deeply, it's simple to lose oneself. Having a friend serves as an external frame of reference -Someone with whom to compare sanity. Without this a loner might make the wrong turn and and not know until years later. Now what if I ask you what changes can solitude make on you? you may narrate all the negative effects and how it's depressing, anxiously etc. But for me, I will say that solitude makes you empathetic. According to research, spending some time by yourself can really improve your empathy for those around you. Of course, finding solo time isn't always simple, especially in today's world when technology has changed how individuals spend their time. You might never stop talking to people, not even when you're by yourself. They're after all only a text, Tweet or DM away. Even in situations where you are unable to find efficient and smooth alone time, temporary limiting your use of digital communication may be beneficial. In one study, researchers discovered that youth's ability to read emotions and facial expressions improved when they went without communication devices for five days. So, what's the verdict!?

Humans require alone time to allow their brain to relax and regenerate, that's a fact everyone know, but too much solitude or lack of social interaction can be harmful to both physical and mental health. It's crucial to distinguish between constructive alone time, where we are productive, creative and reflective, and unproductive alone time, where we are being self-critical or lonely. Make sure to arrange some good alone time if you find yourself surrounded by people all the time and feeling exhausted. Make sure to spend more time establishing meaningful social relationships if you tend to be alone or feel lonely. Regardless of your personality type -introvert or extrovert- it's critical to choose the correct balance.

Now for people who are looking for a way to embrace solitude, you can try:

➤ Journaling: An excellent habit to improve your isolation is daily writing. Writing helps one become more self-aware and observant, and it also enables creativity because ideas frequently come to us in our quietest moments of consciousness. Writing allows you to listen to the quiet voice inside your head, and it encourages you to ask yourself questions about what you truly want. Journaling continues to be one of the biggest tools I use in my moments of solitude. I gain creative insights and feel attuned to my emotions that way.

➤ Make it a priority: Everyone can set aside time for themselves. Make no excuses to avoid being by yourself, despite how unusual or awkward it may feel to decline a social request or to take a break from your relationship or friendships. You will feel more a part of society the more at ease you become with spending time by yourself doing the things you enjoy and reconnecting with yourself. In solitude you can develop self-love, and with this love, you can extend more of it to others. Because if you don't arrange some time for yourself you will have this urgent and awkward feeling of being isolated suddenly from people you know and start making fake excuses to "escape". And that will affect your social relationships.

➤ Make the mirror your friend: Does it matter if a tree falls in the woods while you're wearing a gorgeous outfit but nobody can see it because everyone is shut off from the world? Simply put, yes. According to Dr. Fox Weber, "nothing being noticed makes many of us lonely, so noticing ourselves goes some way to making up for this deficit." "Look at what appeals you in the mirror. Make it a point to smile and pay attention to the color of your eyes. Look closely and observe. In other words, be there for you. Although, it may be simpler for us to be there for others, we must continue to be there for ourselves."

Conclusion: 

Spending time by yourself is one of the best presents you can give to your soul, even if it definitely won't feel good the first time and you probably try to find a way to avoid it. Being alone isn't enough to help you embrace solitude. It's being alone while not feeling lonely. It is the ability to be you and feel secure in your own skin. Regardless of the situation you've been in, you should love yourself. When you take the time to cultivate your relationship with yourself, there is so much room for self-growth. As you begin to spend (and love) your time in your own, I'm sending you my best wishes and positive energy.